Health Care is a PRIVILEGE, peasants.

Argument A:

Kindly listen because I am very wealthy. You see, I am a health insurance company CEO whose best interests lie with the good of profit, the almighty dollar (an American value by the way, so you should appreciate that). My opinion matters simply because I own you and the talking heads who represent you.

It is important for you to understand that health care is a privilege, not a right. It’s important for you little people to understand that health care costs quite a pretty penny due to restricted access of It All and my own company’s best interests. Those of us involved in the business of it have trademarks, patents, ownership of prescription drugs, state-of-the-art medical/hospital equipment,  new advents in medical research and the like. That’s right, little ones — health care is a business.

(I need to subsidize my absurdly wealthy lifestyle as well, you see. As a result, your premiums must go up substantially.)

If you wish to keep costs low, and have…oh, what’s the word that you little people like tossing around…”universal” health care coverage…well, honestly, that’s not going to happen because I, and my ilk, have the final say on such matters. We have a lot of money (a mark of American exceptionalism, by the way, so you should appreciate that). The only way we can keep our money and continue to make obscene amounts of it is by keeping prices of health care outrageously inflated for no logical reason whatsoever. It’s really not that difficult to understand. Again, remember, it’s about money.

And money is undeniably American.

Argument B:

LISTEN UP because I am proud patriot, and I have an opinion about everything, and it is an ANGRY opinion grounded solely in PATHOS, LOGICAL FALLACIES and EXCESSIVE HYPERBOLE!

And, yeah, so all my ANGER and ANGRY WORDS YOU WILL HEAR!

If you want good health care benefits, you have to earn them by working 40 hours or more a week, you lazy, freeloading bastards. What kind of a liberal hippie scumsucker are you to create this sort of socialist utopia where everyone can have good health care benefits on MY damn tax dollar? Nothing comes for FREE in my country, and we ought to be damned proud of that! We Americans play hard, but we work HARDER for shit, and WE LIKE IT.

You wanna know what happens when we copy socialist, freeloading countries like Canada and England? Google what’s happened to them! Their countries are BANKRUPT. Ask them about their taxes! How much do they pay in taxes? With Obummer in office for a SECOND TERM, we’re gonna be paying MORE in taxes because of Obummercare. (Thanks, socialism and socialized medicine! THANKS, OBUMMER!)

Also, all their doctors are coming over to AMERICA, the greatest country in the world, so they can make some MONEY. Oh, and you want socialized medicine? Ask a Canadian how long he’s gotta wait to get a heart transplant. I know a guy who knows a guy whose next-door neighbor knows a Canadian who had to wait YEARS to get a heart transplant. Here in America, I got my heart transplant in a week. You want LONG LINES, like old communist Russia, move to a COMMUNIST COUNTRY, you libtards!

I don’t want my damn tax dollars supporting illegals either! That’s what “universal health care” (aka SOCIALISM, which is UNAMERICAN) will do. EVERYONE will get health care on MY tax dollars, and news flash for you libtards: illegals DON’T PAY TAXES. If they don’t pay taxes, they aren’t contributing, you understand? (Or are you too busy smoking the pot, killing your brain cells?) If they’re not contributing, why should THEY get anything from those of us who pay?

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Sigh.

Okay. Enough of this.

While that was quite fun to write, it was also excruciatingly painful to imagine. I cannot understand, cannot remotely empathize with, anyone who believes health care is a privilege. I simply cannot fathom that sort of lack of humanity whatsoever.

Chart courtesy of http://www.healthcare-now.org/health-insurance-ceo-pay-skyrockets-in-2013 

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Bone of Contention.”