Okay, I think I’ve finally made a decision. My 2016 resolution, such as it is, is not to be a dick.
Well, I will do my best at any rate. I will attempt to be “dickish” only in my thoughts and not aloud… unless certain troubles start, troubles caused by genuine dicks, the ones like…
- The driver who cuts me off when I’m in the middle of passing someone in the right-hand lane.
- That one student who complains about his grade, that I’m so haaaaaard, and I’m sooooo unfair in my grading, that I’m sooooo picky about stupid, little things…things that matter like grammar and spelling and (soooo haaaard) just being coherent.
- That one person who seems insulted when I don’t like the same things he/she likes.
- The awfully outspoken acquaintances I’m trying to forgive on social media for their batshit opinions (guns, guns, guns, God, guns, babies, guns, Christ the Savior, prayers in school, professors-are-liberal-shills, Nobama, more babies, God, moochers, illegals, Trump is awesome, guns, Billary, bigger guns).
- That other student, the naggy one, who reminds me every day, even well after the fact, to issue him a change of grade due to a calculation error on my part.
- The “customer service” representative at the utility company who hung up on me during an inquiry into the timely neighborhood blackout when there was no storm.
- That entire dick family talking loudly during the previews. Listen, I like the previews. I want to know what’s coming soon so I can determine which particular movies I am willing to invest the rest of my rainy day savings in in order to see them at the theater where tickets are now $12+ a pop.
- The administrator who fails to inform faculty who have volunteered to serve on committees that their service is not wanted, let alone needed.
- The workmen in charge of holding the “slow” and “stop” signs while construction is happening near my house, the same workmen who don’t pay any attention to the flow of traffic whatsoever, especially during rush hour.
- The dick of a Xerox machine that won’t WORK on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.