Okay, I think I’ve finally made a decision. My 2016 resolution, such as it is, is not to be a dick. 
Well, I will do my best at any rate. I will attempt to be “dickish” only in my thoughts and not aloud… unless certain troubles start, troubles caused by genuine dicks, the ones like…
- The driver who cuts me off when I’m in the middle of passing someone in the right-hand lane.
- That one student who complains about his grade, that I’m so haaaaaard, and I’m sooooo unfair in my grading, that I’m sooooo picky about stupid, little things…things that matter like grammar and spelling and (soooo haaaard) just being coherent.
- That one person who seems insulted when I don’t like the same things he/she likes.
- The awfully outspoken acquaintances I’m trying to forgive on social media for their batshit opinions (guns, guns, guns, God, guns, babies, guns, Christ the Savior, prayers in school, professors-are-liberal-shills, Nobama, more babies, God, moochers, illegals, Trump is awesome, guns, Billary, bigger guns).
- That other student, the naggy one, who reminds me every day, even well after the fact, to issue him a change of grade due to a calculation error on my part.
- The “customer service” representative at the utility company who hung up on me during an inquiry into the timely neighborhood blackout when there was no storm.
That entire dick family talking loudly during the previews. Listen, I like the previews. I want to know what’s coming soon so I can determine which particular movies I am willing to invest the rest of my rainy day savings in in order to see them at the theater where tickets are now $12+ a pop.- The administrator who fails to inform faculty who have volunteered to serve on committees that their service is not wanted, let alone needed.
The workmen in charge of holding the “slow” and “stop” signs while construction is happening near my house, the same workmen who don’t pay any attention to the flow of traffic whatsoever, especially during rush hour.- The dick of a Xerox machine that won’t WORK on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
This, On Purpose 
Lol! You’re dickish list seems to be pretty reasonable to me. Your targets are pretty clearly drawn. Hopefully they’ll somehow manage not to draw your ire.
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I think there’s a fine line between those who deserve to have me be a dick in return and those who are just stupid (and are too stupid to be aware of it).
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I’m surrounded by people who desperatley want me to be a dick to them…why else would they try so hard? I definatley understand 🙂
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Every day in every way…they…THEY exist. They should be destroyed somehow.
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Somebody or something somewhere might be trying to teach us patience. I say there are better ways to go about doing that!
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I have a colleague and friend who went completely silent online (with the exception of work emails), and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone quite as calm. Although, it may be the Prozac giving him assistance, too.
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So basically, please don’t be dicks so I won’t have to. Sounds like my kind of resolution – now if only everyone had the same NY resolution!
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Yes, exactly (so I made the title general rather than personal). “Dickery” on my part is always caused by other people being dicks, so exactly what you said: “please don’t be dicks so I won’t have to.”
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I soooooo relate to this list. And they keep getting dicky-er all the time. I blame FOX News…
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I blame the Internet, too, for giving a those sorts of people who really shouldn’t be talking at all too much of a voice.
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Absolutely!
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Can you add old well to do men and their young girlfriends to the list of dicks and dickesses? No one actually believes she loves him and I’m tired of having to pretend she does.
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Of course. And you have the resolution backup to insist you be a dick back to said icky party of old geezers and their tarts.
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“The workmen in charge of holding the “slow” and “stop” signs while construction is happening near my house, the same workmen who don’t pay any attention to the flow of traffic whatsoever, especially during rush hour.”
What is this about!? Why is this always a problem?! Every damn time. Also, sometimes they make the most vague but aggressive directional hand gestures and I’m just like “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?”
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I know! Oh, I know! (Excuse my terrible Sybil Fawlty impression here). And then when I’m attempting to understand what the hell they’re signaling me to do, they start shouting at me like I’m a complete ninny. I know it sounds silly, but I’m often relieved if there’s a little line of traffic ahead of me, so I don’t get the brunt of their sour moods.
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