As of recently, the majority of my closest female friends are now married. It’s depressing as hell to me, but I get it. It’s financially savvy provided both parties work, and their earnings aren’t below, or even close to, the poverty line. It’s emotionally fulfilling to a degree (if he or she is truly “the one”, whatever the hell that rom-com, Disney-developed term means). One of you won’t be alone when the other dies…maybe (the other, not so lucky). If there are kids involved, as long as both parties are mature and responsible about it, it’s a Good Thing to have two parents working together, unified as a wife and husband.
What I don’t like about the whole marriage thing — even simply the whole gotta-be-a-couple-glued-at-the-hip thing — is that certain plans to get away for awhile must be agreed upon by the other party. Of course, this has more to do with couples without children because couples with kids have no choice anymore but to plan effectively and agreeably (or else movies like Bad Moms get greenlit).
Couples without children though also seem as if they have to do everything together as a unit.
With each passing year, I’m finding it ever more difficult to concur with that. If I want to get away for a weekend…or a week…or a month… alone or with other friends, I shouldn’t have to discuss it in lengthy detail…and then inevitably fight about it with my significant other. I understand why I’d would mention it to him (for civilized and emergency purposes, really), but I don’t need permission, and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty if I’m not including him for a change.
It’s this issue that baffles me the most — If one is in a relationship with another, there should always be a solid degree of trust between them both. That is, there shouldn’t be any question about whether or not she/he is telling the truth about going away alone or with friends for awhile or whether or not she/he can be trusted on her/his own. If there is, maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship. Oh, and…AND…to my girlfriends out there who are perpetually glued to her spouse or fiance or boyfriend and “can’t go because (he) is not included”, I’m sorry, but you appear codependent as fuck when you’re out and about with him All. The. Time. (Where’s your sense of independence? Your pride? Your self-worth?).
Fine, sure, I’m selfish. I wouldn’t understand. I don’t relate. I couldn’t remotely empathize. (Insert appropriate other Dr. Phil-contrived platitude here) And it’s all because I’m single, right? I’m not married, engaged, glued, whathaveyou.
Guess again. I’m quite close to someone, but I’m not bound. He isn’t either. I like that I can see him on my own terms, whenever, wherever, and not be glued permanently at the hip. I like being able to say, “Hey, I’m going up to see my family next week” or “I’m going to the beach with some friends” and not expect complaining on his end, and he is able to do the same with me. This is good. This is how it ought to be. There is trust and decency, but there is a sense of respect for the other’s privacy, the other’s downtime, the other’s need to be away for awhile.
In other words, it is perfectly all right to be…Minus One.
Oh, one more thing, that whole Love Your Spouse challenge going on on FB right now, about that…
…Who the fuck cares? Of course you love your spouse. Why wouldn’t you? Do you need to declare and show it over and over and over again to people who don’t need convincing to begin with?
Again, glued-at-the-hip. *Shakes head…Walks away.*
In response to the Daily Prompt “dramatic.”