crazy / Education / Work

This is how a Monday begins.


I can’t believe I have time to write right now.

(Quickly now. Trying to recall everything thus far.)


Day four of my Monday/Wednesday 9am class:  Ten minutes into class, a female student — burnt, two-toned hair; huge lash extensions that made her seem as if butterflies had been glued to her eyelids, and fingernails so long, I don’t know how she’s been able to adequately type anything — who’d been hiding in a seat in the back of the room, suddenly shot up in her seat, snatched up her textbooks, and hustled her way down the aisle, coming directly in front of me, and while I was talking to the class, she said loudly to me, “I thought this was Professor TM’s class! My bad! My bad.” Then, instead of hustling quickly out the door, she sashayed her way slowly to the door, gave me a parting eye roll and huffed out into the hall.

(FUN FACT: Professor TM’s class hasn’t even yet begun because it’s a 12-week course that starts in February, and it’s obviously in another classroom.)

Morning Twilight Zone moment:

  10:30am class today had a class average of 52% on their grammar pre-test and an 80% on their writing sample/pre-assessment. That’s a 28% discrepancy, and I KNOW I don’t inflate grades. How? How does one write well, but he/she cannot pick out an easy grammar error in someone else’s sentence? How does that work?

Student Excuse of the Day: I was on campus this morning for my intermediate algebra class but I didn’t make it to yours because the person who sat next to me in my intermediate algebra class had fleas. These disgusting fleas naturally got all over me and on the inside of my jacket. I’m sure you would appreciate having a flea-free classroom, so I went home and got a shower. This email, however, is to inquire about what was done in class today in my absence. 

My Actual Response: Hello, We went over the scored pre-assessments in detail (including the grammar pre-test) as well as the assignments for the next class period. Homework for Wed. is up on our online portal. Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

How I Wish I Could’ve Responded: Hello, Well, that is a disgusting predicament, isn’t it? A little tip for you: After you have showered, don’t forget to dip the entirety of your body in an industrial-sized vat of a homemade mixture of water, Lysol Professional Disinfectant Cleaner with Clorox, Simple Green 19128 Crystal Industrial Cleaner, 20 Mule Team Borax, fresh lemon juice, a whole bottle of Mycodex flea shampoo, two and a half cups of Himalayan pink salt, and a splash of holy water. Just ignore the burning sensation. It means it’s working to kill every last flea and living creature that may have taken up residence on your skin. You will know it’s working when, after you’ve stepped out of the vat, your epidermis slides right off. You may look like a victim of the Lament Configuration from Hellraiser, but at least you can be rest assured that them fleas def. be gone!

WTF Just Happened? Someone called me early this morning, and I cannot for the life of me remember who, specifically, called me (general office line). Also, I think I may have agreed to do something in March. (Is this what it’s like when you lose your mind?)


(In response to the Daily Post’s topic, Overworked)

7 thoughts on “This is how a Monday begins.

    • *hugs back, my friend* I keep going back to the excuse…It’s one for the books, the flea thing. Things like that keep me going. I mean, I laughed so hard while reading it in my office (it came via email), a colleague came in to ask if I was okay.

      Granted, it’s not the most interesting of excuses I’ve had.. I had a girl one term come up to me, hesitantly, sans research paper (that was due). She said, “My hamster had babies on my research paper, so I don’t have it.”


      Liked by 1 person

      • ahahaha that’s so much better than the classic ‘dog ate my homework’ excuse!
        Your job reminds me a bit of my own in some respects, only instead of students I had to deal with demanding (and rude) voters. I thought I’d heard it all when I was working as an advisor for a member of parliament – from an angry villager asking me to, I kid you not, “make his neighbor’s cow stop mooing” to desperate fathers who wanted us to find them suitable brides for their sons. After that I was a communication consultant at the ministry for the environment and that’s where all the wackjobs came out of the woodwork: crazy inventors who wanted us to “force” the EU to amend legislation and ban competitors’ products, citizens calling to demand that we halt all bicycle lane ongoing roadworks because they’d lose their favorite parking spot, you name it.
        The most bizarre by far was this lady who asked my boss to tell her husband (an actor) to get in touch with another actor who had previously had a one night stand with this lady’s daughter, and convince the guy to dump his girlfriend and get with the daughter. My boss was the secretary general, mind you. After we had a minor stroke and told her we can’t do that, she came up with plan B and asked me to “find a publisher” for her daughter’s “book”. It cracks me up thinking about it now, but at the time I came *this* close to going on a murder spree.

        Liked by 1 person

      • BWAHAHA! That’s just…No. Did she ever find a publisher for the tell-all?

        I couldn’t even IMAGINE working in government with any representatives and having to deal with their constituents’ bizarre and entirely self-serving requests. I went to one town hall meeting (first and last one, ever) where we could have our voices heard about local property tax increases, and during the entire time reserved for the general public (approx. five-fucking-minutes), a rep. from the local Boys and Girls Club of America used it to complain about the size of a bulletin board. Seriously. A bulletin board.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Also, you just reminded me of another excuse I dealt with, VERY similar to your villager request for the cows to stop mooing. A long time ago, I worked as an assistant to a US Air Force base PA office in the UK, and we got a number of phone calls from the same angry old codger in a nearby village incessantly demanding that we keep the F-15E pilots from flying their jets over his house.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ahahaha @ the bulletin board and the noisy jets! It’s kind of a relief to know people deal with the same kind of crazies everywhere.

        When I was working for the SG, the Deputy Minister called us to “come fix his A/C”. So many anecdotes I could literally write a book (and to answer your question, obviously I never even bothered with the wackjob mother and her “author” daughter”!). And don’t get me started on how much I’ve been cussed at over the years or how many ignorant assholes demanded that we cover up for their illegal crap…

        It was never my intention to get involved with political communication in the first place, and then when I did, the last thing I wanted was to deal with constituents. I was just supposed to write articles and speeches and press releases and handle media relations, social media etc. Alas, when do we ever really just do what’s in the job description?

        Liked by 1 person

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