Love and Heartbreak / Pop Culture

Online Dating Field Notes

Match.com

  1. Boy, has this site changed since I was last on it back in 2010. Apparently, the company figured out a sneaky way to wrest more money out of their customers. The trick is to completely ignore set preferences just so that, out of desperation, the customer “power(s) up” their profile by paying more money for things that should be automatically available to subscribers to begin with. For instance, they toss in some “selections”/”matches” that are relatively local, but that’s all. Note the word “relatively” there. I’ve mine set for within 50 miles of my location, and I get matches that are within the region, which spans the entire state. Sometimes, I even get a match from completely out of state. Go home, Match. You’re drunk.
  2. I’ve indicated I’m looking for single men — you know, fellas who aren’t attached by the whole matrimony thing. My settings literally indicate the following: “Never married, Widow/Widower, Divorced.” However, my randomized list of daily matches has included too many men who are “currently separated.” I know I didn’t select that option (I’m looking at my profile right now). Now don’t get me wrong, I was once at “currently separated” status since divorces take for-bloody-ever to legally process (unless you’re in Nevada, I suppose), and presumably long before that ball was rolling, the marriage had been on the fritz. That said, there are an awful lot of “currently separated” men on Match, and I’ve more than a nagging suspicion that for many of them it’s just dickish code for “I’m married and want some booty on the side, but my wife knows about Ashley Madison, so I’m hiding here in hopes she doesn’t find out.”
  3. My randomized list of matches has also included profiles from women. Nowhere in my preferences did I indicate that was what I was looking for. Besides, none of the women Match has considerately and conscientiously paired me with has anything in common with me (So, sorry, Brenda163, I don’t enjoy beading and WWE Raw).
  4. Match has also ignored my much more specific preferences (education, faith, politics, and income). Okay, sure, back when I was young and naive and had no standards, I couldn’t have cared less, as long as he was shiny and new. Then I went out with a shiny new one, all handsome and pre-med, who wanted me to regularly attend megachurch services with him where there was all kinds of crazy hellfire and brimstone preaching and wailing, and, well, right now, I’m just not into that brand of stress before I kick the proverbial bucket.
  5. BONUS: Genuinely creepy app feature — Want a little side of big brother to go with your online “matches”?  Under the “discover” function there’s a selection you can click titled “missed connections.” It hones in on which “matches” have been in your (street-specific) location when you were there, too. I don’t know what will play out once I run into one of them who happens to be looking at me, then on his cell, at the same time that I am.

OKCupid

  1. I don’t know about everyone else on this site, but I may be a bit addicted to its never-ending questionnaire that’s supposed to target matches according to how I answer. Granted, some of the questions need room for a nice shade of grey kind of answer, and some of them seemed to have been written by 14 year old schoolboys who were trying to be as perverted as they could. I think Donald Trump may have been an inspiration for a handful of them (Ugh, yeah. For instance, one recent question asked was would I be into golden showers if my partner asked? See? #TrumpInspired).
  2. I don’t get many matches at all on this site, and that could be because of the 100’s of questions I’ve answered — I may be “too” specific (and just plain sad). That said, there HAVE to be guys out there just as interested in answering personality questions about things we don’t usually think about like how many books we own versus how many we’ve actually read, what do we think about propaganda in politics, and how do we rate our own social skills when we’re at a gathering.
  3. Another reason I don’t get many matches may have something to do with the fact I’m not willing to invest money to be in the front of the line for selections. I also don’t pay to be on the site’s “A-List” where I can see specifically who liked my profile. Like Match, it’s another seductive cash grab for them. Still though, wouldn’t it be nice to see all 560 dudes who “liked” me? (Orrrrrrr maybe not if it’s anything like my fabulous Match selections).
  4. All that aside, it’s pretty nifty to be able to see what answers we have/had in common.
  5. As it happens, I’ve met a couple of nice guys through this one, one of whom is, apparently, a 99% match with me, and like me, he was bored and answered a lot of the questions. Anyway, I don’t know if we’re good fit(s) yet, but it’s been nerve-wrackingly fun, I suppose.

Coffee Meets Bagel

  1. I don’t understand this one at all. Guys on the site/app are matched with 21 potential matches — “bagels” — whom/which they give a LIKE or a PASS. Then the site “…curate(s) the best potential matches for women among the men who expressed interest.” Supposedly, this gives women a seriously filtered list, thus giving women the option to communicate first to the ones they like. Well, my filtered list has been…not particularly well-filtered, kind of like my tap water at home.
  2. Also, conversation windows are timed when you, the “bagel,” finally open up a chat to a “coffee”(?).
  3. Forgive me here, but I’m assuming since women are the “bagels” the guys are labeled “coffee” because that’s what the website’s called…? Then there’s more confusion about THAT since the website indicates “Meet more of your fellow ‘Bagels’ here!” So everyone is a bagel? Why is it not called Bagel Meets Bagel then?
  4. The whole concept of Coffee Meets Bagel is centered around women getting to make the choices/being in control for a change, but that’s NOT what initially happens. The guys actually make the decision first with the whole “like or pass,” swipe right or left Tinder thing.
  5. And why are all these sites emulating Tinder (and no, I’m not joining the hot-or-not Tinder club, thank you very much).

Notes on the Online Profiles (In General)

1. Every other person online is a big fat liar. Quelle surprise, I know. Stereotypically speaking, women lie about age and weight, and men lie about height and (yes). That said, I’ve found so many guys on these sites who are blatantly lying about their ages. Either that, or they’ve been going through the wringer in their 40s. I doubt it’s that, though. I mean, all I have to do is check their partner “preferences” to see the reality in that many of them want women who are anywhere from 5-25 years younger than they are. I guess to post you’re a 47 year old man (who looks more like 67 in his pictures) looking for a woman anywhere from 21-42 is, at least, I don’t know…reasonable, right? Much more so than the 67 year old man at any rate.

(FFS, why not admit you’re looking for younger arm candy and nothing more, you tossers.)

2. Sayings that should be prohibited from profiles:

“I like to live life to the fullest.”

“Life is too short, so…”

“You only live once so…”

“I am fun and easygoing. Looking for that special lady.”

“…looks great in heels for a night out but just as sexy with a tank top & shorts.”

“I am looking for that special someone to…(fill in the blank with all of the interests he likes and nothing else).”

“I’m very down to earth.”

“I’m looking for my princess…”

3. Every guy in my state seems to enjoy being outdoors. I like the outdoors, too, but I live in Florida where it’s cold (aka “nippy”) maybe 2-3 weeks out of the year and pleasantly warm maybe 3-5 weeks after. During those weeks, Florida is tolerable outside. Sometimes, it’s even fun. The rest of the time, however, we’re basically in hell, melting into the asphalt and sand and getting bitten by bugs that may eventually kill us. What kind of crazyfools enjoy being outdoors in Florida during most of the year? If it’s beachside, okay, I get that, and I like the beach. At least there’s a place to cool off…and umbrellas are helpful, too. Otherwise, what is wrong in the head with all of these outdoorsy guys?

4. Nearly every guy also feels the need to indicate he is a workout fanatic. Which means he’s looking for another workout fanatic to share in this delightful experience. Piss off. I will only work out because I need to, not because I want to. There is nothing fun about working out. No there isn’t. End of.

5. Oh, one more thing…Stop with the serial killer-like selfies, please.

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Online Dating Field Notes

  1. I went on OKC back in 2008 when I threw out the Evil X. I met the ultimate guy (I mean that literally) there and had a GREAT experience with him. Someday I may write a blog post about him (doubtful). I also met two great women (I’m straight and so are they). Back in those days OKC was more social networking than dating, but it was evolving at that time into more of a dating site.

    I’m still friends with the women — one in real life (the other lives in Australia).

    I didn’t know Match still existed. That’s where I met the Evil X and learned how easily I’m conned, how dishonest people can be and how much a person can lose because they’re gullible and trusting.

    I would also suggest they never write, “I’m looking for my last first kiss” though maybe that’s passe now or only a cliché of my generation.

    Fortunately for me I’m old, stove up and absolutely NOT interested in ever trying the “luv” thing again. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find him. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, shucks. Thank you for that.

      Funny that you mention it, I remember now that OkCupid was more of a social networking site back when it was still getting its legs, which had initially made me curious as to why it was called “OKCupid.” You know if Match wasn’t doing that stupid throw-anybody-into-your-daily-match-list thing, I could almost forgive it for matching me with women, too. Unfortunately, Match is nothing but a cash-grab now, and even if you’re paying, you’re still not paying ENOUGH for their “services.”

      Like

  2. OK Cupid was a GREAT site before Match.Com bought it and ruined it. Literally, they took all the unique features out and have made it like any other dating site. Actually, I met me current guy there and although we have a long distance relationship, it works well for us. Going on 7 years. We never would have met under their strange most recent changes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I remember hearing about the buyout. Wasn’t there another one that was bought out as well by Match? I’m glad OKC still has the questionnaire at least, but yeah, they’ve now gone the way of the sneaky cash grab, no thanks to Match.

      Like

      • Match Group — which in addition to big names such as Match, OkCupid and Tinder, includes smaller dating sites like HowAboutWe, SpeedDate.com and OurTime.com in its roster — has a 22 percent share of the $628.8 million dating app marketplace, according to a report from IBISWorld. In 2014, Match Group generated revenues of $897 million, representing almost 30 percent of IAC’s $3.1 billion in total revenue. They are now buying Plenty of Fish. They’ve about cornered the market and made it all mediocre.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You just summed up my short-lived experience on dating sites perfectly. I would also add guys who say “I’m looking for someone to spoil” (=sugar daddy alert!) to the list of no-nos.
    Hopefully you can find someone decent and compatible hiding in there among the creeps and weirdos <3.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, you are so right. Girl, if I had a dollar for every “I’m looking for someone to spoil” profile header I saw, I could afford to swing over to Greece and hang out with you!

      Like

  4. I have to say this was super interesting to read! I haven’t been in the dating scene for 25 years so the whole concept of online dating is a mystery. But I know a couple of people who’ve found awesome partners that way so I hope you do too. Do you think the whole ‘outdoorsy’ and ‘loves to work out’ are just their way of telling you they aren’t lazy couch potatoes? That’s what I would guess. 😬

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, thank you! I wish I wasn’t doing the dating thing. If it doesn’t happen for me though, maybe in another 15 years or so, I’ll walk away. It’s such a pricey, shallow game of tag.

      As for the ‘outdoorsy’ and ‘loves to work out’ profile content, it could be that they’re trying to do that, or they’re just attempting to find someone who’s slender and tan (the norm around here). Frankly, I tend to hone in on the ones who have a variety of indoor interests in my area because of my aversion to the godawful heat. If they work out, it’s fine, but the ones who are obsessive about it really raise some red flags for me — My exh was a workout fiend and wanted me to be too because no matter what I did, I was always “too fat.” Ugh. No thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sounds like hard work. I know someone who uses these sites and she showed me her profile picture. Honestly, it looks nothing like her. It could possibly be her ten years ago, after a brilliant holiday where she was relaxed and happy. Not now. I’d put a brutally honest picture of myself up there so no-one would be disappointed when they meet me! Ha ha.
    Alternatively, people could do what I’ve always done and just talk to people. General chit chat in everyday life. Nice, friendly, relaxed. You’ll know if there’s a little cheeky spark there or not pretty soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • In order to be out and about, talking to people in that way, looking for that spark or whatever that may be, introverts must talk themselves into it. I have no problem conversing with people while out, but the dating angle with it, that’s a little messier for me. A guy sort of hit on me the other day while I was waiting for coffee, and I had no idea until long after he’d left that he’d been trying to flirt (the barista more or less told me). I’m terrible at this game.

      Liked by 1 person

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